Supports, Supports!
by RachelMustoFende
Summary: And Now for Something Completely Different- some Fire Emblem 8 Sacred Stones Support Convo's- kinda. Lots of silliness and gay-ness. Parody.
1. Rennac X Colm

**Rennac x Colm**

**Support C**

Colm: YOU! I know you're secret!

Rennac: Huh? My secret?

Colm: You're a male prostitute too, aren't you? Do you think that's acceptable for someone in the princess' harem!

Rennac: Haha! Where'd you learn a big word like harem, boy? Not that it's any of your business, but her highness already knows about my . . . after hours job. You're not, by any chance, trying to threaten me, are you? That's funny. I never thought I'd be reprimanded by a boy!

Colm: Hey, old fart, don't talk down to me! I'm not "boy," either, my street name is Sugarplum, and I wasn't threatening, I was only surprised because you dress so nicely.

Rennac: I assume you're in the same trade. That poor little orphan costume is a dead give away. Well, you may not have any pride and go in for the whole "role-playing" thing but I'm different. Do you see this jacket? It has silk embroidery, a trend I started in Carcino. The stitches are hidden on the inside; a truly cultured man cares about every detail! I am no ordinary dime-a-dozen whore, but a veritable gaisha! There's no point trying to explain to the likes of you, you little tavern wench.

Colm: Why would you brag about something so lame? Anyway I'm not a tavern wench! Man, I've never met someone as annoying as you!

Rennac: Oh, don't be so sensitive, little tavern wench. If you want to be like me, make more money. Improve your skills, learn the art. Take drugs to stop yourself from hitting puberty, your innocence is the only thing you've got going for you. Work hard and maybe one day you can grow a pair.

Colm: First of all, I don't want to be like you! Second of all, I already have a pair, so there!

Rennac: Well, don't pull a muscle, little tavern wench.

**Support B**

Rennac: Hey, manwhore, have you made any money yet?

Colm: Stop calling me that! I heard your Dad is a wealthy pimp in Carcino.

Rennac: Yes, so what? My father is a wealthy pimp, and his son is a prostitute. It's a family business, see?

Colm: If you're rich, you don't need to sell your body, you can afford what ever you want.

Rennac: You are so innocent boy, more innocent than a twelve year old virgin.

Colm: What's that supposed to mean? I've never been a virgin so I don't know.

Rennec: Oh. . . okay, that doesn't really make sense . . . but anyway, listen, tavern wench, pimps are always stingy. It's part of who they are, and my father was especially stingy. He gave us nothing for free.

Colm: We had to work for everything we had. So my brothers and I learned the value of hard work from a young age, and this just happens to be my chosen career, got it? It's not easy being the son of a pimp, huh? Forced to work at a young age? Well you should have seen what MY pimp made me do! I guess our lives aren't so different, huh?

Rennac: Er, a little street work is quite different from real work. You can see that by the differences between you and I.

Colm: Well, I'll show you! Maybe you'll wake up in the middle of the night to find that a certain someone has crawled into bed with your princess, eh! Consider yourself warned, old fart.

Rennac: You know, warning people of your plans is very anti-productive. Anyway, I look forward to seeing how this turns out.

**Support A**

Rennac: Hi there, manwhore. I haven't seen you strutting around our tent for a while, I thought maybe you gave up on your big plans.

Colm: I'm more persistent than you think I am. I came to see if you remembered- wait, you didn't notice?

Rennac: Notice what?

Colm: MWAHAHAHA I am the master!

Rennac: What? Did you actually seduce her? Don't tell me . . . A-ha!

Colm: So you finally realized! Yes, I secretly deflowered your precious princess. So, how's that for charm? That's some pretty fine seduction if I do say so myself.

Rennac: I see, I did hear something in the middle of the night. . . good work. There's little to celebrate, though. The girl had brown hair, right?

Colm: Uh. . . yeah. . .

Rennac: Unfortunately for you, that was an impostor! I knew you would try something, so I replaced her with one of her chambermaids beforehand. The real princess has green hair, you see?

Colm: You! That's a cheap trick!

Rennac: In this business, anything goes. However, I'm impressed that you got as far as you did. I definitely don't want you for a rival.

Colm: Heh heh heh heh . . . . same here, I guess. It's hard to compete against such high-class goods. Now stop fondling my ass!


	2. Vanessa X Syrene

**Vanessa X Syrene**

**Support C**

Vanessa: Captain!

Syrene: Vanessa! How are you? I was worried about you!

Vanessa: I'm fine, Captain. Thank you for your concern. Glad to see you doing well too.

Syrene: Vanessa, do you have to call me that? I know it's what my official title is but it IS pretty odd when you're my sister any everything . . .

Vanessa: But we ARE on duty.

Syrene: Let me put it this way then; when we are alone, you are to act like we are at home.

Vanessa: Yes, ma-am!

Syrene: OMFG I SAID TO CUT THAT OUT!

Vanessa: Sorry. . .

Syrene: Oh, look, she's back to her usual pouty self . . . well, I guess that's better than formality. Anyway, I have something for you.

Vanessa: Really? Is it a pony!

Syrene: You already have a pony. . . with wings . . . anyway no, it's not. Here, it's from Father.

Vanessa: This is an amulet of the warrior virgin Goddess Fale!

Syrene: Yes, this amulet will protect you from sneaking male marauders out to steal your innocence! You were called away so quickly our parents didn't have time to give it to you. Mother wanted to tell you, "never let your innocence be stolen by anyone until you're married." she made me swear.

Vanessa: But-

Syrene: She also wanted you to make sure you snag a good prospective husband. Oh, and get a good night's sleep.

Vanessa: I try! Its not my fault I can never sleep properly . . .

Syrene: Other's might think that your dull, uninterested eyes and stoney expression are normal but I know it's due to lack of sleep. Whatever is stopping you from sleeping well, deal with it.

Vanessa: Well I'll try captain – I mean sister.

Syrene: I'll be right by your side tonight, protecting you, so just forget about it and sleep soundly.

Vanessa: Thanks. I sleep better knowing someone's around to stop him . . .

**Support B**

Vanessa: Hi, -

Syrene: You look a bit better, Vanessa. Did you rest well?

Vanessa: For the first time in a long time, thank-you, sis.

Syrene: I've been meaning to ask you . . .

Vanessa: Yes?

Syrene: As a was standing guard over you last night, I heard scuffling and footsteps outside your tent all night! I think I saw someone peeping in a couple of times.

Vanessa: Oh, it was probably just frogs or something-

Syrene: I told you, Vanessa, I can read these signs too well! So, who's the guy who's been sneaking into your tent every night?

Vanessa: What? That's just crazy! I don't know what you're talking about! . . . anyway, if hypothetically someone was coming in he wouldn't just be peeping he'd be climbing right into bed with me and fondling me up . . . but like I'd know because it's not happening!

Syrene: You know I can tell when you're lying. Plus, the fact that you haven't just kicked this guy's ass to high heaven yet is a dead give away that something is up. This dangerous male marauder isn't just anyone, he's someone special, isn't he?

Vanessa: Well, um . . .

Syrene: First and foremost, you have to take care of yourself. I'll support you no matter what, but it's not worth losing your virginity over.

Vanessa: Thank-you, I guess. I'll do my best... Sometimes I think that if I were more like you-you know, big boobs, long think hair, big glassy eyes, the all around perfect women, he'd actually want to marry me and not just fuck me.

Syrene: Don't be silly, Vanessa. You may not know it, but I'm sure that person likes you for who you are.

Vanessa: You don't really think that. You were the won who told me that a guy will fuck anything that moves. He's probably only interested because he thinks I'm pathetically lonely and therefore easy. I try to be more like you, but it seems that every time I get even one admirer suddenly you've gotten five more! I just can't keep up!

Syrene: Well, that may be true but, ah-hem, I need some stupid hallow comfort words here . . . I'm proud of you, and as your sister I can see your true inner beauty. You should be more confident.

Vanessa: Jee, thanks for the awe-inspiring heart-felt lecture.

Syrene: Well, what do you want me to say? Now you should go get rid of that creeper before he rapes you.

Vanessa: Maybe I should put tons of garlic in my bed . . .

**Support A**

Vanessa: Hi, Syrene. With not thanks to you and your lame pep-talk the other day, I have solved my problem.

Syrene: Is he leaving you alone now?

Vanessa: It's not that easy, but he has stopped crawling under the covers.

Syrene: You might not have realized this before, but that is an aspect of you I have always admired.

Vanessa: In me? Like what, my ability to attract the sleazy princes with weird gray mullets- I mean . . .

Syrene: No, not that, you're creative ability to think up solutions to problems no one else would think of. I mean, I thought the sleeping in a pink pony bed with footie pajamas was a sure bet to get rid of him, but even after he remained persistent through that you still thought up the idea of complaining loudly of period pain whenever he's around that eventually did him in!

Vanessa: . . . creativity?

Syrene: Do you remember when father told that lone shark that we'd have the money ready in a week? Mother and I were so panicked that we didn't know what to do. You were the youngest of us all, but you gathered nuts in your small hands and went to the village to sell them. Then you came home with the money.

Vanessa: I gathered _nuts_ in my hand?

Syrene: When faced with situations that seem hopeless, you always seem to pull some crazy scheme out of a hat and manage to make it work. You were young, but you still had the presence of mind that something had to be done and that bashing all the pots and pans together and screaming at father like me and mother were wasn't going to generate any cash. I've always respected that practical creativity and wished for some myself.

Vanessa: But. . . who were the one who ended up thinking of the idea to join the army and ended up supporting us through all the rest of our tight spots.

Syrene: True, true, but if I could have thought of something more creative to do I would have. I mean, a female pegasus knight, how original is that? I wanted to be a mime but mother said it was a stupid idea.

Vanessa: Even so, this situation I'm in is truly sticky! I can't just deny this guy, he has power over us! I have to tell you, the guy who wants to bed me is-

Syrene: Wait, Vanessa! I really don't want to have to bother helping you with this right now. Let's just finish this war and then run away from the creep.

Vanessa: Wow, what happened to the sisterly love and support?

Syrene: I was feeling hormonal. The feeling has passed though, good luck dealing with this on your own! Don't disappoint father and remember, if he does anything at least turn it around and force him to marry you! Cya!


	3. Franz X Seth

**Seth X Franz**

**Support C**

Franz: Sethie!

Seth: Franz! How's your ass been?

Franz: Fine. I may be young, but I'm toning it as best I can. I'll work at looking good all day long, just like you, Sethie!

Seth: Good, good, that's the spirit! You know, you're looking much improved from when we first set out.

Franz: Honestly? Sethie, do you really believe that?

Seth: . . . Well, I know you're having a bit of trouble with that hair thing . . . but we're in the middle of a battle right now, Franz! Concentrate on looking like a knight in shining armour riding straight out of a virgin's dreams right now and worry about that later.

Franz: You got it, Sethie! What with this sunshine I'll have sexy sweat dripping down my brow in no time, I won't let you down!

Seth: Don't get ahead of yourself, now! I know how hard you try but you're putting serious strain on your poor little under-age body. Know your limits.

Franz: Sure!

**Support B**

Franz: Sethie!

Seth: Ah, Franz. Every time I see you, you're looking better and better. The way you sweet-talk the ladies after battles is a little stiff, but you're clearly improving,

Franz: Are you serious? Do you really think so, Sethie?

Seth: Do you ask that every time some body compliments you?

Franz: Well, it may have something to do with being told I was a little plastic-loving turd by my mother when I was young, but . . . it gives me warm happy feelings inside when you praise me. I mean, you're Seth, the Shining Silver Knight. You're my idol.

Seth: Haha . . . it's really not that hard to get as many girls as I have when you have a body as gorgeous as mine. It's nothing, really.

Franz: But Sethie, it's true! Remember way back in the prologue when the grunts somehow over-ran the castle? Despite the short notice and the unfortunate pimple near your left ear, you literally spirited away the princess herself and coned the king into letting you spend weeks alone with her in a tent as you "travelled" to Frelia for safety. As if we don't all know the over-world maps takes seconds to navigate! If I were you, I couldn't possibly have seduced her to such an extent! You're the only person I know who can break the class barrier so effortlessly.

Seth: Poo, what pressure! If I fail to marry her now, I'd lose all my respect! But Franz, you're still a teenager. You're acne will clear up, you'll get taller, gain some sexy stubble, grow a pair. . . I'm sure you'll bed some fine ladies in your day.

Franz: Really? Do you think so?

Seth: . . . okay, I don't care if you were traumatized as a child or not, that is damn annoying!

Franz: sowie ;.;

Seth: All right, back into the fray! There's nothing like dishevelled hair and a blood-spattered tunic to make the ladies squeal!

Franz: Yup yup! And remember, I'm always available for some strategically placed moe gay unrequited love scenes!

**Support A**

Seth: You're looking quite sexy there, Franz.

Franz: Oh, Sethie! How's your buff manly image coming along? I'm glad you came to talk to me. So glad in fact, I think I need to . . . I think I need to . . . pick some flowers!*

Seth: Must you be such a flamboyant gay! Seriously, I'm the one that should be feeling all bubbly.

Franz: La-didadida~ huh? What's that supposed to mean?

Seth: Back when I was just jailbait, there was one knight who I admired the most. His skill with his spear is legendary. We trainees learned the meaning of seduction watching him in the tilt yard. Ten years back, we received word that a deadly assassin was in Renais. He hunted him down but in a show of truly moving moe he was too busy flicking his long flowing hair out of his eyes while fighting him to notice the hidden knife. . . he died, but died in style.

Franz: Ten years ago . . . I have a nagging feeling something important happened ten years ago . . .

Seth: . . . uh, yeah. As I said, he was the smexiest knight in the history of Renais. Your father.

Franz: . . . well, I was so young you can hardly blame me for forgetting! Our mother ran off with that strange sketch bag before that. Forde and I were left with baby sitters a lot. Oh, I remember I perfected my perfect crocodile tears, "upset" that our Father was gone so much. Forde would egg me on because the baby sitter gave us candy whenever we got out of hand. He had scar on his shoulder, I remember, probably a huge lady-killer. Forde and I used to love climbing all over him and pulling his hair. I grew up being told how great he was, but all I remember is his shoulder.

Seth: You probably have no idea how much you look and act like him. Your sweet-talk, the way you tilt your butt, your love of other men . . . man sometimes I wonder how you and your brother even exist that man was so gay. It's certainly nice to see that talent materializing in you, his son.

Franz: Squee! It makes me so happy to hear that! I'll bed more ladies then my father or my brother! I will attract women, the cause to which I've sworn my blade, I will flirt on!

Seth: You better. Now change out of that dress, into some armour, then lets go look cool beating up some lackies.

Franz: Yes sir, Sethie!

* for those of you who didn't recognize it, that's a line from Kuroshitsuji . . . the random second season.


	4. Tana X Ephraim

**Tana x Ephraim**

**Support C**

Tana: Omg it's EPHRAIM, HI!

Ephraim: What! Tana you are far too weak to be of any use here in the front lines and I do _not_ want to start this chapter over again because you weren't looking out for archers, so get back!

Tana: Noes, please! I want to be with you! I have to be where you are or else, or else . . . I'll scream!

Ephraim: I'm sorry, but if there is anything around that could possibly give me more experience than an archer my dogma dictates I must kill it. I can't protect you.

Tana: No fair! I've . . . had . . . training . . .

Ephraim: You're at level one! Any peasant could be a level one pegasus knight.

Tana: OMG I just hit that thing! I got experience WHOOHOO GO ME see I can fight too I'll look after myself I promise!

Ephraim: * sighs *

**Support B (all of Tana's lines are exact)**

Tana: Ephraim, do you remember when we first met?

Ephraim: Yeah I do, my father forced Erikia and I to go to your birthday party when we were little.

Tana: Oh, I'm so glad you remembered!

Ephraim: Yes, your father was overly happy that we were there. I think he was worried no one would show up. I met your brother there, too.

Tana: So, Ephraim, what did you think of the dress I was wearing?

Ephraim: How they hell am I supposed to remember! You're brother started firing nerf guns at me as soon as I walked in the door.

Tana: Do you remember my hair? I was so happy with it!

Ephraim: You're . . . hair . . . uh, I remember after the nerf gun fight I started using a broomstick to beat Innes over the head . . .

Tana: I'll bet you don't even remember what I said afterward!

Ephraim: Well you see after that we both got starting jousting with the-

Tana: Oh, you! You only remember what happened with my brother! You don't care about me at all, do you!

Ephraim: Nope.

Tana: Fine! Why should I care about you when you can't even be bothered to care about me? You just keep having fun with my brother and don't pay me any mind at all!

Ephraim: Wait, don't go over there, you're in range of a ballista! . . . Oh jeez, women.

**Support A**

Tana: HI EPHRAIM wanna go hang out?

Ephraim: Oh, done PMS-ing are you?

Tana: Huh?

Ephraim: Nvm.

Tana: Erikia made this lunch for us. Assuming she's a better cook than I am, it should taste okay. Eat with me?

Ephraim: In the middle of the battle! Sorry to tell you this but the world doesn't go on hold every time you wanna have a pick-nick, princess.

Tana: Whaa~ why do you always act like you hate me so much~~?

Ephraim: Because I do hate you.

Tana: But w-why? I do everything it says in the book about dating I bought and you still never open up to me? Why!

Ephraim: Because you're an annoying idiot.

Tana: Is there someone else?

Ephraim: Yeah, the whole world. I'd rather date anyone else but you.

Tana: But you hardly know me! I'm sure you'd like me better if we spent some time together.

Ephraim: That is so cheesie.

Tana: Don't talk about me like that!

Ephraim: (oh shit she's getting seriously angry) Oh, no, It was a compliment, I mean, you're cheesie, you know, like a . . . poem, or something, a romantic poem!

Tana: Really! Does that mean you'll stop ignoring me?

Ephraim: Oh fine, if it will get you off my back, now let me be so I can go kill that guy!

Tana: Oh, goodie!


	5. Forde X Kyle

**Forde x Kyle**

**Support C**

Kyle: Forde!

Forde: Oh hai, Kyle, how was your trip to the washroom?

Kyle: It went well, thank-you. Are you- you're colouring!

Forde: Wtf, this is a piece of charcoal not a crayon you dunce, I am sketching, not colouring!

Kyle: In the middle of the battle? What if, like, some pegasus knights materialize out of nowhere on that mountain over there and you don't notice and they attack you or something?

Forde: Jesus Christ simmer down! I'm just documenting the war- see, I think I got the angle of that spear and the horrible look of pain and agony on that grunt's face as he dies just right, don't you?

Kyle: Stage one: denial

Forde: Ooooh fine! Hiel Mon Furer! At your command!

Kyle: Ghaa you are so petty sometimes you know that?

Forde: If you don't like it then stop telling me what to do all the time! You're not my mother, Kyle!

Kyle: Stop fooling around! You are an idiot and wasting my time on you makes me an even bigger idiot!

Forde: What? Sorry, I wasn't listening, that shiny stuff over there was distracting me.

Kyle: Damn you! Come here, I'm gonna wump your ass!

Forde: Whoohoo yeah, go Kyle! I didn't know you were into that kinda thing!

Kyle: NOOOOES I'm a proper commander a swear I take good care of my weapons and horse and your weapons and your horse and the moral of the men, I don't sleep with men, I promise!

Forde: Kyle, I love you.

Kyle: I am a knight, I cannot fraternize with other men!

Forde: You really need to take yourself less seriously.

Kyle: And you need to take yourself MORE seriously.

**Support B**

Forde: YAAAAWN Oh jeez I'm tired.

Kyle: WTF stop falling asleep, we're in the middle of a battle!

Forde: Whaa~ it's your fault I didn't get any sleep last night, so take responsibility and stop ruining my nap!

Kyle: You have no sense of self-preservation, do you? What is wrong with you? You lack even the common sense of an infant, you know that?

Forde: Well, it's not like I haven't had a few spears up in me before, and I've survived thus far . . . you should try it sometime, heaven knows enough women like you, you should be able to get a man or two~

Kyle: OMG would you leave sex out of it? It has nothing to do with this.

Forde: Yeah, well, what if you grow old and uptight and all alone? I mean, you're sister Mia got knocked up by that nice Frelian boy but what about you? Is there a nice Frelian boy out there for you too somewhere? Did you think you were going to meet him in this war?

Kyle: That's not what I'm here for!

Forde: Riiight, don't even try to fool me into thinking you aren't interested in men! You've been eyeing guys in the change room ever since we were little! I remember you used to watch Aurane Water's butt in gym class. I always admired you for doing that right out in the open. It was cool.

Kyle: It was my duty as a member of the QSA not to feign from acts of homosexuality.

Forde: B-but you hadn't even hit puberty yet! You couldn't even **be** gay or straight!

Kyle: Well, it was expected of someone who was a _future_ member of the QSA.

Forde: Wow, you've got an answer to everything! Kyle, I have to say this again: I love you.

Kyle: Fuck off!

Forde: Aw, he's blushing!

Kyle: GHAA

**Support A**

Kyle: * sigh *

Forde: Oh ho ho! Now look who's the one that was kept up all last night.

Kyle: Oh, Forde, yes, well, we all need something to do to stave off the boredom when someone else is killing all the enemies for you now don't we? Damn Seth . . . stop killing everything and let us have a turn. . .

Forde: Yeah, no kidding, 5 whole turns and we haven't moved an square . . . 

Kyle: But even so, bringing a pack of crayolas and a pad of paper is kinda extreme. Some young impressionable idiot could start following your example. Like your brother! He looks up to you too much as it is. When _did_ you start colouring anyway?

Forde: . . .

Kyle: Have you forgotten? Dunce!

Forde: . . . I started after my mother decided to become a transvestite and ran off with the weird man from Alabama.

Kyle: Oh?

Forde: When I was little, I won this little-mister beauty pageant . . .

Kyle: I remember that, I got second!

Forde: Well, she was far more pleased with the picture of the crown I won that I drew than with the actual real crown itself. I never understood why, until now – wax crayons and paper beats cheap dollar store plastic any day!

Kyle: Oh yeah, I remember your mom. She was some kind of uber naturalist or something and didn't let you guys near plastic.

Forde: I feel lucky- I was raised by her for long enough to inherit some semblance of her naturalistic morals but Franz, * shudder * Franz still uses plastic bags to carry his groceries!

Kyle: Oh, so that's why you have a "no plastic allowed" sigh on your door. I always admired that sign . . . Forde, I love you.

Forde: * gasp * Kyle! I didn't know you were gay too!

Kyle: Yes, you did!

Forde: Oh jeez don't make me think this hard! Let this conversation end, now!

Kyle: Fine, but Forde-

Forde: What?

Kyle: I mean it: I love you.

Forde: Yay!


End file.
